Free to Choose
by nicimac
Summary: Another road that 'Threads' could have taken
1. Chapter 1

It was still early.

The suburban Colorado street was banked with colourful ranch style houses and cars dotted the driveways and roadside spaces. The houses looked out over fields in various stages of harvest, this morning blanketed by the late summer dawn haze. The sun sent warm fingers of light across the fields in through the windows of the various east-facing rooms.

The beauty of the morning went completely unnoticed by the occupant of one of the rooms. She stood by the window, head resting on the wall and arms wrapped across the front of her body. The light gave her skin a luminous glow and sparkled off her golden highlights but her gaze was unfocussed as she stared off into the middle distance.

The only discernible movement were her fingers moving gently up and down the soft sleeve of her upper arm. It provided her a tactile hold on reality whilst her mind swam with the events of the last few weeks.

Samantha Carter felt heavy. Tired, drained and heavy.

Yesterday's effort of keeping it together for the funeral had been so physically draining that last night sleep had consumed her before she could even think about the following day. Consequently this morning there was no plan waiting for her.

The last 14 days had been a rollercoaster, even by her standards. She'd deployed the tried and tested "I'm fine" mask and it had worked its usual charm. Not only had it appeared to convince everyone else of her ability to cope with it all but she now realised it had allowed her to bury the reality of recent events.

Each night she had fallen exhausted into bed but with a clear plan of what needed to be done tomorrow, then on waking her mind was already ordered with a basic schedule for the day, even if it was just to spend it on specific chores in her lab.

Until today.

There had been an initial moment of panic, like a child disoriented from waking in a strange place and that brief lack of control had opened a door somewhere. The dam had burst and instead of her usual calm and ordered plan she had been treated to an emotional flash back of the last month: defeating the joint threat of Anubis and the Replicators, loosing Daniel, discussions over Teal'c's move to Dakarra, breaking the engagement with Pete, the discovery of General O'Neill's relationship with Kerry and finally, her Father's death.

There had been a few times where emotions had overridden her but since her outburst with the General over Daniel's memorial and the break up with Pete she had resolved to get them under control and had consequently buried them. Even Daniels return had not unlocked them.

Until now.

It was completely overwhelming and she couldn't shut it off.

The onslaught so soon upon waking had really unbalanced her. She had attempted to defeat it by literally throwing herself out of bed and into her morning routine, as if the aggression in her actions would override the other emotions pouring through her. She'd pulled on yesterdays civvies and headed for the door but had stopped in her tracks, head snapping to the window.

The sweet scent coming from that direction had been enough to ground her, penetrate the haze and forgo her escape route. The tumbling swirl of emotions whipped together to focus on Daniel.

The pretty, simple flowers he had given her sat on the windowsill, poking out of the small blue vase that had belonged to her Mother. She loved that he did that every now and then. Usually for no particular reason and always accompanied by some random fact about where they were from or their meaning. Sometimes he'd joke that they were from some planet they'd just returned from but she knew he would never override protocol and bring them off base. She was pretty sure anyway.

She was really going to miss him being around.

She thought about calling him, see if he wanted to do something today. Go out for lunch. Take lunch to his. Help him pack.

He was probably way too busy to spare the time. There must have so much to do before setting off on the Deadalus next week. He was so excited to finally be going and she was thrilled for him too. He'd wanted to be involved from the beginning but matters closer to home had kept him…well, closer to home. And now he finally had his wish.

Atlantis beckoned.

She moved her gaze from the flowers to the view outside and leant her head against the wall. She registered that it was a hazy morning but she gave it no further thought. She had no room in her head for anything other than the effects of her SG1 teammates, her family, leaving.

Daniel, Teal'c and as of yesterday, the General too.

At least he'd managed to beat the base rumour mill and tell her himself.

He had caught her alone, a minor miracle in the events of yesterday. Most people had left and she'd been clearing the kitchen. The General had appeared with a stack of plates, handing them to her one by one to load in the dishwasher.

Despite her exhaustion she was still holding it together, the 'I'm fine' mask firmly in place. She thanked him as she took the first plate.

It had felt odd. Perfectly natural, yet…odd.

How many times had they stood side by side in the field? Solved some literally Earth shattering problem and got out alive? What did it say about their lives that standing side by side loading a dishwasher was the most alien task they had completed together?

She knew he wouldn't speak. He was just there to check on her, let her know he was around without actually letting her know he was around. Yeah. That was how they worked.

They both knew he'd been doing that a lot recently. She would have normally made more of an effort to let him know she was ok but the truth was that his solid presence gave her a thread of strength that she didn't want to deny right now. He'd been great helping with the Air Force side of the funeral arrangements.

He surprised her with his softly spoken words.

"I had a call this morning. Two, actually." He said as he handed down another plate.

Sam looked up at him with raised eyebrows but quickly and smoothly changed her expression, inviting him to elaborate.

"General Hammond." He continued.

She looked confused and threw a glance to the door.

"He was just here."

Jack followed her gaze to the door then shifted it to back to the dishwasher.

"Yeah. This was a work thing."

Sam studied him carefully and realised there was no discernible expression on his face. That was usually bad. No emotion often meant he was hiding big emotion.

Jack cleared his throat as he handed down another plate. He still hadn't met her eyes.

"Look, Carter, I didn't want to go into this today but," a shot of regret flickered across his face as he paused. "by tomorrow everyone'll…" he gestured the kitchen door as his words trailed off again.

He'd run out of plates so she stood up to face him which forced him to look at her. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stuck his chin out with a thin smile, a classic Jack O'Neill uncomfortable stance.

"Hammond's retiring. Said he was recommending me for his position. That I was the only one he trusted to do it." The words came out slowly but with no particular emphasis on any of them, as if he didn't really want to give meaning to them.

They stood staring at each other. Jack shifted his stance but didn't drop his gaze. Sam knew she blinked a few times but other than that… she felt nothing.

She wasn't sure how long the gap was before he took a breath and went on.

"Second call was from the President, asking what I thought of the offer"

He was studying her. Looking for something in her eyes, body language, anything.

She had still made no response. Had she become so adept at burying her emotions that there was nothing left to feel about this?

He started looking around behind him.

"You ah, you got a beer around here?"

It was a rhetorical question. He walked to the fridge, opened the door and continued his one sided conversation.

"I said I wasn't sure I was the man for the job. I'd need to think about it."

He took out a beer and twisted off the lid, flicked it into the sink and turned back to face her. His fingers fidgeted with the label on the bottle and his eyes moved down to watch them. He took a swig, eyes glancing back down at the bottle, then up to her. He was obviously not comfortable with this.

"He said it wasn't really a 'thinking about it' kind of offer. More of a 'yes Mr President' kind of thing."

He took another swig but his eyes didn't leave hers.

He waited.

He expected a reaction.

Who wouldn't?

She forced herself to say something.

"When do you start?"

He took another mouthful of beer and swallowed slowly. He settled the bottle in front of him before replying.

"Two weeks"

Sam nodded and pursed her lips.

She had no idea what to do with this information.

She had just buried her Father and was coming to terms with Daniel and Teal'c no longer being around so much. There was no room left to process this one.

She nodded as if coming to some sort of decision and smiled at him.

"Well that's fantastic. Congratulations. You absolutely deserve it. Sir"

He nodded in reply, looked away, then switched his mood completely in that way only he could do. He jutted out his chin and gave her a knowing smile.

"Why thank you Colonel, yes I do". But the smile slowly faded.

Other than nodding her head, Sam hadn't moved since he'd started talking and as she became aware of her surroundings again she could feel the tenseness in her body. Did she breathe at all through that conversation? She turned her head to the sink and her body followed, bending down to get a dishwasher tablet from the cupboard under the sink and going through the motions of setting off the machine.

Daniel came in with some dirty glasses. He placed them noisily next to the sink making some joke about Earth parties creating much more mess than any other planet he could remember. The General took the opportunity to leave the room.

Going over this again with the added ability of emotional input she now realised how hard it would have been for him to tell her. And she had just stood there. He must have thought she didn't care at all. She'd reacted like some acquaintance he barely knew, not the close friend he had deserved. It wasn't the sort of job he would have coveted but he had implied that the President had not really given him an option. As she thought it through she realised he would have taken the post anyway. While Hammond was there the SGC had been protected. Who would do that after Hammond if not him? No, he would never have passed it up.

The more she thought about it, the worse she felt. Not only was he leaving them to go into a job that he had no passion for but he would be alone in Washington. She knew he considered SG1 his family as much as she did and he would be leaving them behind. Correction, leaving _her_ behind. Teal'c and Daniel we're already going. Gone.

She needed to see him. Let him know that yesterday she had not quite been herself.

Everything is changing." The words hammered against her again and again. And she had no idea where she stood in it all; what it meant for her.

Her middle distance gaze was suddenly brought into focus by a moving truck outside. She must have been at the window a while as the haze had lifted and the morning now had a crispness to it, a great anti-metaphor for her current state.

The distinctive black truck slowed and pulled up behind hers on the road. It was a while before the door opened.

She watched him step out into the morning sun, take off his shades and look up at her house. She moved back from the window but only enough to remove herself from obvious view. He'd probably seen her already anyway. Just because he'd been at a desk for the past year, didn't mean he'd lost any of his field sharpness or observation skills.

She chewed the inside of her cheek then turned and headed for the front door. Maybe he'd been having similar thoughts to the ones she'd just been having about Daniel. Spending time with friends before he left.

Daniel to Atlantis, The General to Washington. Teal'c to Dakara.

She was the only one not moving on.

She pushed that thought to the back of her mind as she reached the front door, the smile on her face as she opened it almost genuine.


	2. Chapter 2

It was still early.

Or at least to the average person. Jack O'Neill had been up for hours and it felt around noon.

He'd done the normal morning routine plus read the paper, washed his truck and watched the end of a Cubs game from earlier in the week.

All killing time until it was an acceptable hour to go check on Carter.

"Checking on Carter" usually involved a drop by her lab, dragging her to the commissary for whatever meal she'd missed or a shared look in the briefing room. Stopping by her house wasn't part of the normal checking routine but it wasn't unknown either. He figured it was appropriate given the events yesterday. She'd been doing whaaaay to well for his liking which previous evidence had shown meant that she wasn't doing well at all.

He sat at his kitchen table with a coffee and the crossword, the first three clues completed. He really was getting better at them. It had only held his concentration for a few minutes although it probably had less to do with his crossword prowess and more the sense of wrongdoing in his stomach at what a shit he was for telling her of his move in the middle of her Father's funeral. In the middle of her Father's funeral, for crying out loud. God, every time he thought about it made it a bigger crime.

There was no other way though. It had all happened so quickly that it would no doubt be all over the SGC today, tomorrow at the latest. Gotta love the rumour mill in that place.

Still, how to kick a girl when she's down.

Not that she seemed down. Nope. She was doing her usual "I'm fine" show. Only this time it was different. Almost like there was no-one home at all. After working with her in that intense environment for eight years, he liked to think he knew her range pretty well. He knew when she was keeping something from him, when it mattered and when it didn't and when she just needed time to process it. This time…it was like she'd just shut everything off.

Fair enough, it had been a tough month but they'd had tough months before and she'd come out all guns blazing, smiles and technobabble galore. She just needed time. And whatever method she chose to deal with it.

Her preferred method was puzzle fuelled but occasionally a hefty dose of adrenaline did the trick. Carter was the master, ok mistress (was it healthy that "mistress" and "Carter" in the same sentence produced a shot of fire through his body) of losing herself in trying to solve a piece of alien technology in her lab. But it had not gone unnoticed that a late night solo session in the gym, a blast on her bike or some reckless flying often helped clear her thoughts and come to terms with whatever bizarre scenario they had survived.

She'd spent a lot of time in her lab recently, and a couple of times she'd come in on her bike so she was definitely using the normal routes.

He felt uneasy about it though. She had followed the normal patterns but she wasn't giving off the normal signals. And she didn't seem to be improving.

All of which meant he should go check on her.

He knew she wasn't at the SGC right now. He'd asked the guys on the front desk to call him if she went in. A possible abuse of power as General but hey, there had to be some perks right?

He looked around his kitchen and was faced with the sudden realisation that in two weeks he wouldn't be here. Maybe all his over analysis of Carter was just a way of avoiding his own change in circumstances.

Whatever. He'd deal with that later.

He checked his watch. Again. 08.34.

Close enough. He'd be there by 09.00 if he stopped for coffee on route. That was reasonable enough. He winced as he scraped his chair on the kitchen floor in his haste to leave.

He pulled in behind her Volvo and looked up at her house as he killed the engine. Movement in her bedroom window caught his eye. He kept his focus on it but there was no further motion. He turned his head to glance at the view she would have been looking at.

Yup, it looked pretty cool this morning. Suddenly he doubted himself. If she was appreciating scenery, maybe she was feeling ok. Maybe she was dealing with it fine. Maybe this was all in _his_ head instead of hers.

He sat for a few more seconds wandering if he was doing the right thing. Did he just want an excuse to see her because in two weeks this sort of thing would be impossible?

Doubt coursed through his body. He'd been up for hours yet he had no idea what he was going to do or say once inside. He just wanted to check she was ok. See if he could help. Alleviate some of the guilt he felt from telling her his news yesterday.

Hell, he felt bad about Daniel and Teal'c leaving. How would he feel if he was still at the SGC and she was leaving too?

No. There was no way she was fine. Decision made, he climbed down from the truck made his way to her door.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N. Thank you for all your comments and encouragement and apologies for the slow updates!

* * *

The door opened before he'd finished knocking and his suspicions were immediately confirmed. 'Normal Carter' would have a questioning or defensive look on her face when finding him on her doorstep at 0900 on a Saturday morning. Instead, her weak smile suggested she was just about holding it together.

Ok, he'd made the right decision.

"Morning." He held up the still steaming cups and gave her the raised eyebrow 'isn't life swell' expression from the patented O'Neill portfolio. "I brought coffee."

Her chest rose as she sucked in a breath and he could see her eyes glaze with tears. Holy crap. Not the reaction he was expecting. Did he ignore it or call her on it? That was why he was here wasn't it? Christ, he was so badly equipped for this.

She saved him the decision with a forced but chirpy reply.

"Thank god. I hadn't made it that far yet."

Apparently they were going with denial. Business as usual then.

"Really?" He checked his watch. "It's past nine o'clock Carter. How have you made it to 0900 without caffeine?"

"Yeah." She looked away. "I slept late." She turned to push the door open further and gestured for him to come in.

Slept late? His eyebrows rose as he walked past her but he kept with the program and didn't push it. He handed her the coffee on the way through.

He reached the sitting area and debated whether to sit on the couch or perch on the arm. She didn't seem to be following him into the room so he opted for the arm. He heard a murmur of "Thank you" but wasn't clear if was for him or a quite prayer of thanks to the caffeine god.

He looked her over as she closed her eyes, inhaling the aroma of the coffee. She looked tired, grey even. Worse than yesterday. Her shoulders were slumped, her whole body seemingly weighed down by an invisible force. She certainly hadn't mustered any level of military attention to his presence here as her CO, not that that was a bad thing in his eyes. Just not normal.

Had he ever seen her like this before? Probably not outside of the infirmary and some life threatening injury. The fact she hadn't called him 'Sir' hadn't escaped his attention either. So was she reacting to him purely as a friend right now or did she just not have the energy to care?

Jeez, he was really out of his depth here. His heart sank as he realised his mistake and now he was stuck between her and the door with no escape route and no plan. Talking was so not his thing. He should have sent Daniel. What exactly did he think he was going to accomplish here? Other than just wanting to see her?

Fresh from her coffee fix, she re-opened her eyes and looked over to him with a small smile. He returned it and the shared moment pulled him out of his panic freefall.

He gave himself a mental slap. Come on, Jack, you're a smart guy. Think it through.

Maybe he could tempt her with a different form of adrenaline boost? He could take her flying, or, he countered quickly, suggest she take out a jet. It was perhaps a little presumptuous to think she'd want him there.

She could have organised that herself, though. It's not like she needed his permission to go flying. Her normal ways of dealing obviously hadn't worked or he wouldn't feel the need to be here right now.

She needed a new situation that she'd have to adapt to or learn. That was when she excelled. That was when he could see the life surging through her.

His mind sorted through different possibilities, but they all related to her in some way, were all things she might have turned to herself. He reached further back into the depths of his childhood and found something that might just work. The memory evoked feelings of warmth and safety but also exhilaration and exploration. He'd never heard her talk about it so maybe it would be a new experience for her.

He took a sip of his coffee and said a silent prayer of his own that she'd go for it.

"So." He paused for effect. "Wanna get out of here?"

As soon as he said it he realised his mistake. There were implications other than just getting out of here. Damn it.

He began to draw away, literally leaning back on his perch and prepared himself for her to do the same, for her to retreat behind protocol and what was appropriate for their working relationship. But her immediate response cut through his thoughts.

"God, yes."

It was a reflex reaction and her tone not unlike the Doc had just administered her a massive dose of morphine. The way she responded completely surprised him. Even she looked shocked at the relief in her voice.

He smiled and looked away to hide how good it made him feel. Was it just the getting out of here, or the getting out of here with _him_ that made her answer like that? He cut off the hope that flared inside him before it could gather momentum. This was _so_ not the time for that.

"What did you have in mind?" She'd managed to get her voice back under control but when he looked back round he saw the flush on her cheeks and neck. Maybe she'd surprised herself as much as him.

He took another sip of his coffee as he considered her. Was she gonna go for this?

"You ever sailed?"

"Sailed? As in on a boat?" She looked confused.

He didn't answer but gave her the look he reserved for stupid people asking stupid questions and was rewarded with a spontaneous grin. This was looking good already.

"Actually no. Not really. I mean, just motor boats."

He nodded, pleased that he'd found something new.

He took a breath and looked back out of the window, over the same view that she had been studying when he arrived. It was beautiful, but for some reason the only image he could see was her flushed face from her instinctive acceptance of his offer. What was it that she'd been embarrassed about?

He had a sudden thought that, whatever the reason, embarrassment might push her back into military mode and he wasn't ready to go there yet. He needed to put her at ease, to get them back on a level footing. He pulled the sailing memory back into his head.

"My father taught me when I was young. We would go out all day, fish, camp, sail back the next day. I loved it." He paused, smiling to himself as the memories became clearer in his mind. "I have some great memories of it." He looked back over to find her staring at him with a little more life in her eyes than he'd seen recently.

She studied him as the silence grew. "You've never told me anything like that before." Her voice was soft, curious.

He held her gaze and fought the compulsion to reach out and touch her, to enhance the link between them right now.

His defences kicked in and he broke off the moment.

"Oh, I think you'd enjoy it." He smiled and gave a dramatic wave of his hand. "It's not flying jets through minefields but it can be pretty exhilarating. Or relaxing. Whatever."

She nodded and smiled at him, a genuine smile. "Sounds great." She said, clearing her throat.

Cool. He nodded and stood up from the arm of the chair.

Now he just had to find a boat.

"Can I borrow your phone?"


	4. Chapter 4

Sam jumped to action, her body reacting automatically to the task. The General made a few calls while she grabbed her ever-ready overnight bag and at his instruction added a raincoat, fleece and a second pair of shoes. She also packed up some of yesterday's leftover food and a thermos of coffee. Surprisingly, by the time she was done he'd tracked down a boat to hire. He seemed remarkably smug about that. Maybe smug was the wrong word. Bouncy. That was more accurate. He actually bounced on the balls of his feet when she walked past him out of the door.

She had to admit, as she swung her bag into the back of the truck - it was a little infectious. She could definitely feel that tug of anticipation. It was good to be feeling something again.

He grinned at her as he held open the door of the truck and ushered her in with a wide, sweeping gesture of his arm. She couldn't help the smile she gave him in return but as he pulled away from the road outside her house, she started to process the events of the last few minutes.

What the hell had just happened? Was she really about to spend the day with her CO on a boat? It was true that he'd been a steady presence for her these past few weeks and she had become used to him being around, but this wasn't exactly normal for them. Any time off base together was usually with Daniel and Teal'c. And if she was honest with herself, the four of them hadn't really spent any decent time together outside the mountain since she started dating Pete.

Pete. Her mouth creased in an involuntary grimace. What a mess that was. She sucked in a deep, purging breath and pulled her thoughts away from him. She'd spent long enough berating herself for that over the last few weeks, she wasn't going to add today to the list. No, today was about... She frowned. What was today about?

She glanced over at him and thought back to the conversation in the house. She hadn't even thought about her answer to his offer of getting out of there. She'd heard it coming out of her mouth before her brain realised she'd said it. She could admit though, the sense of relief it yielded was something she hadn't felt for a while.

The question was 'why'? Why did she feel so relieved at his offer? Did it mean he might have forgiven her for her spectacular non-reaction to the news of his promotion yesterday? Was she just grateful for a change of scenery? Or that is was good to have someone looking out for her? She sorted through her thoughts and reasons, batting away the one that kept surfacing, the one that couldn't be.

The one that was so simple and so obvious.

She would get to spend the day with him.

She changed her position in the passenger seat, physically moving herself away from that train of thought and shifting her perspective, and her position, from herself to him. He glanced over at her movement and caught her eye.

"Can't sit still huh?" he teased her.

She threw him a small smile in return and allowed herself to study him.

Why had he asked her out for the day? Was she right in her earlier thoughts that he wanted to spend time with friends before he left? Was today a 'goodbye'? The thought of that was too much to get a handle on right now.

She leaned her elbow on the arm of the door and rested her hand on her chin as she took in the view from her window. A few more blocks and they'd be at his place, she realised. And then off to the mountains. Who knew you could go sailing in the mountains? General O'Neill, apparently. The frown line in between her eyes deepened in concentration as she thought through when he might have had time to discover that.

And now he was going to share it with her. Just the two of them. In her stomach, some butterflies took flight and battered against the walls. She chewed the inside of her bottom lip and decided she was being ridiculous. He was with Kerry now anyway.

The tyres crunching into the gravel pulled her attention back as he swung the truck into his drive and killed the engine. He immediately pushed open his door, turning to her as he jumped down.

"Any last requests?" he asked with a barely concealed smile.

She smiled but shook her head at him.

He nodded and turned towards the house. "Back in five." He shot over his shoulder as he covered the ground to the door.

Well, whatever today was, she wasn't going to dwell. She mentally shook herself. If this was goodbye then she was sure as hell going to make it count.

True to his word, he reappeared not much later laden with food bags and coolers. She frowned as she wandered if she'd mentioned the food she had already packed. Maybe not, looking at the amount he was carrying. Definitely not by the way the truck creaked when he added it to boot. Ah well, they wouldn't starve at least. He thumped his hand on the side of the truck then went back into the house, coming back out with his own battered overnight bag and pulling the front door closed behind him. He added the bag to the back and she felt the truck dip as he climbed on the side to secure the lot with a tarp.

Finally he climbed in behind the wheel and turned to her as he flicked the key and fired the engine.

"Ready?" he asked, eyebrows raised and a slightly self conscious smile on his face.

Was she ready, she asked herself? Yes. Whatever the reason, she was ready. She smiled back and gave him a firm nod and he put his arm round her chair to reverse out of the drive.

And that was that. They were on their way to Lake Dillon, a mountain lake just over an hour North West of Colorado Springs.

They didn't speak much for the first few miles. The radio was on low, the inane chatter of the local breakfast show loud enough to fill the silence. She knew the route they'd be taking as she'd done it many times on her bike, although she had never made it to this particular lake before. It was quiet this morning, not many cars on the road.

She turned her head just enough to study him. He looked relaxed. Hands resting on the wheel as he drove, fingers curled lazily round the leather.

"You ok?" He must have noticed her watching him. The fact he'd left off the 'Carter' made it a much more intimate question. One friend asking another. She didn't feel the automatic need to reply as she might have at work.

His eyes were still on the road so he might have missed the smile and small nod as she realised that she _was_ ok. Well, relative to half an hour ago anyway. The tone of her voice when she answered reflected the realisation of that.

"Yeah."

He glanced over at her, seemingly in surprise at the honesty in her voice.

Maybe this was a good time to talk about yesterday.

"Are you?" She asked him in return.

He kept his eyes on the road as gave his effusive answer. "Oh yeah, sure – what's not to like? A beautiful day, heading into the mountains for some fun..." he tailed off before adding,

"I'm good."

She smiled and nodded, then continued to study him for a moment. He'd either missed that she meant it in relation to the promotion or deliberately ignored it. She wanted to talk about it though. She needed to say something otherwise it would eat at her all day.

"I really am pleased for you, Sir."

He glanced sideways at her in question.

"About the promotion." She clarified.

"Ah." He didn't add any further comment.

"I know I wasn't exactly effusive yesterday." She continued. "But, really, I'm pleased for you."

He nodded.

The silence extended for a few moments before he replied.

"It wasn't exactly great timing. I didn't expect high fives and balloons."

He fiddled with the radio before adding, "I just didn't want you to find out...elsewhere."

She grimaced at the thought of that.

"I know. And I appreciate it. I was just...not myself yesterday." She glanced apologetically at him. "Not for a while it feels." Not for the first time today, she surprised herself with her admission and looked out of her window to hide it.

He took a few moments before he responded, quietly.

"It's been a tough few weeks. I think you're doing pretty well, considering."

She looked back at him, surprised. "Really?"

"Well. Sure." He continued, softly. "You've just lost your father."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting out her reply on the exhale. "Yeah."

She didn't want to delve any deeper into that right now.

Another mile of silence ensued before she mentally shook herself and purposefully lightened the mood.

"So," she started, determinedly, "tell me about sailing. I know nothing."

He went with her tone and turned to her in mock shock.

"Samantha Carter did those words just come out of your mouth?"

She grinned at him, but tempered it with an accompanying eye roll. "Look, I may know how to interface an ancient weapon to a run of the mill Earth computer in order to prevent the destruction of life as we know it," she paused, eyebrows raised for effect, "but I don't know _everything,_ Sir."

He raised his hand to stop her continuing. "Woah, woah, just stop there. Let me have this moment." He closed his eyes and took a deliberately deep breath.

She waited two seconds before opening her mouth to continue but he heard her and raised his hand again.

"Ack. Just another second..."

"Sir, feel free to revel but please open your eyes."

He held up one finger but his eyes stayed closed.

She started to feel the rise of panic - there was a sharp bend in the road ahead. She grabbed his arm to get his attention. "Sir, seriously, you're driving, open your eyes!"

That worked. He opened them in time to adjust for the bend and his instinctive reactions swung the truck in the right direction.

"Crazy man." She mumbled under her breath.

"Hmm?" He replied, mock-tilting his ear towards her as if to hear better.

"Nothing."

He grinned and she resisted the urge to punch him.

"So, sailing." He dialled back the humour. "Honestly, it's been a while," he glanced over then back at the road, "but it'll all come back once we get going." He turned the wheel to follow yet another bend in the road as they continued their climb into the meandering mountains. "I've got us a 26 footer so should be plenty of room. Big enough to be a challenge but small enough for two of us to manage. Plus there's a beer fridge. _And_..." he paused for dramatic effect, "...there's a coffee pot."

"Ah. Excellent." Dammit. She was channelling Mr Burns. "Sounds like you've covered all the essentials."

"Exactly."

He turned and grinned at her again. That was what, three, four times today? It was almost unnerving to see him smile so much. She turned to take in more of the view as they wound higher into the mountains.

She relaxed back into her seat and realised that the tension of previous weeks had eased off considerably. The bone weary tiredness she'd felt this morning had all but disappeared and she felt almost human again. It was amazing what a change of scenery could do. Ok, she admitted grudgingly, maybe the company helped too.

But the mountains stretching out either side of her really were spectacular.

"You won't get this view in Washington." She sighed, then winced as she realised how that might sound.

"No." He answered quietly.

"Sorry, Sir, I didn't mean to point that out. I was just..." just what? Not thinking before she spoke. That wasn't like her.

"Still, it is a beautiful city. Lots to see and do." She continued, brightly.

He grimaced, "I'm sure there is, but I doubt I'll get to see much other than my office and apartment and the road in between."

And Kerry. She couldn't help that little fact flashing into her head. Kerry was stationed in Washington so he'd get to see her. Probably in his office and his apartment. She swallowed, trying to be happy for him but coming up short.

"It'll be nice to be nearer Kerry, though." She forced herself to say the words but had to look out the window as she said them. She thought she came off pretty well.

The tension in the cab skyrocketed. Wow. So much for keeping things light. The silence stretched out like the road in front of them. He navigated the next bend before giving an answer.

"Uh. We're not..."

Oh! She turned and looked over at him, her stomach lurching and not because of the 200 foot drop into the valley beside her.

"Oh. I didn't know." She continued to study him. "I'm sorry."

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel but didn't return her gaze.

"S'ok. It was never really...a thing."

They sat in silence for a mile or two while she tried not to ponder the implications of this revelation. She couldn't ignore the feeling of warmth spreading through her though. It had been missing for too long. It felt good and she took in a deep, almost cleansing breath as she turned to look back out of the window.

20 minutes later, they pulled off the mountain road down a gravel track and Sam leant forward in her seat in an unconscious way of taking in more of the view. It was absolutely stunning. Ok, snow on the mountains would have completed the picture postcard scene but she'd take the unusual September warmth over the snow capped mountains. The stillness of the lake literally completed the picture by perfectly reflecting the image.

"Wow." Was her eloquent way of summing it up.

He pulled the truck to a stop at the edge of the lake and leant over the steering wheel to take it in himself.

"Yeah."

They sat in silence for a few moments before he turned to her.

"Ready to go make some waves?"

"Lead the way, Cap'n." She mock saluted.

She climbed down from the truck and stopped to stretch out her back then Jack led them down to a hut by the main jetty, their boots stomping on the wooden platform and echoing out into the lake.

"Mac?" He called out as they got closer.

A man of similar age and build to Jack walked out and a smile spread across his face as he registered them.

"Jack! Long time no see." The two shook hands.

"Yeah, it's been a while. How've you been?"

"Oh, can't complain. The season's just winding up so plenty to keep me busy."

"Speaking of which, is she all ready?"

"Ready and waiting. You guys are the only ones out today so no chance of running into anyone." He gave Jack a pointed look. "You know I've got your credit card details right? Please don't break anything." He drew out the end of the sentence, giving emphasis to the plea.

Sam gave Jack a sideways glance, failing to hide her smirk.

"Yes, well. You know how accidents can happen." He met her glance with his "who, me?" look.

"Only if you push her more than she's happy with."

"Is he talking about me?" Sam mock whispered.

"The boat." He replied, pointedly.

"Ah. Reckless sailing, huh?" She was really starting to enjoy herself now.

He just glared at her then turned back to Mac.

"The forecast looks good for this afternoon."

"Yeah," agreed Mac, nodding "perfect training weather this morning then the wind should give you a good ride this afternoon."

Jack turned to her with an expectant look on his face.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." She replied, and followed him over to the mid-sized boat tied to the jetty.

Jack stood beside the ship, appraising her.

"Sonnet."

"What?" Sam looked over to him in confusion, an image of the General suddenly spouting poetry appearing in her mind. Was it some sort of weird sailing tradition?

"Her name's Sonnet." He sneered a little, gesturing to the side of the boat. "Not overly original."

Sam nodded, relieved at the rational explanation. She looked down at the name he was pointing at, then back up at him.

"Yeah, I see what you mean." She put her hands on her hips and pursed her lips. "X301 could work though. 302 maybe." She looked back, sizing up the boat, then back at him, hiding her smile in an effort to appear serious. "303?"

He stared at her for a second before replying. "Point taken."

She watched him climb on board and turn to offer her his hand to help her up. Despite the fact she in no way needed the help, she took it and he pulled her up.

She stood where she was and looked round. She could feel him watching her.

"First time?"

She pulled in her lips and nodded.

"Ok, boats 101." He paused, apparently relishing the moment.

"Don't get used to it." She said, darkly.

He grinned, again, and then started speaking a different language. She had expected to have a rough understanding as the SGC ships used some original sailing terminology, but there were plenty of words she'd never even heard of. Why not just call them what they were? Big sail, small sail, rope 1, 2 etc. Oh no, let's make up whole new words for the sake of it. In fact, was he doing just that to tease her? Sheets, jib, boom, winches, cleats, shrouds, forestay. The list went on. Ok, the wind related stuff, the telltales and the tack and jibe manoeuvres she could get her head round and, actually, he explained everything quite well. In the back of her mind she was already working out the effect of the wind direction and strength.

He paused in his debrief and nodded to her.

"Of course, I can talk all you like and you can think all you like but it's the same as flying." He ran his hand over the grab rail. "You just gotta feel it." He looked up at her, expectantly.

A surge of excitement hit her belly, something she hadn't felt in a while, and she nodded back at him.

"Let's do it!"

A/N Thanks for sticking with me. I'm really enjoying writing this but it's taking a while!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I know I'm not exactly quick at updating this but I do have two chapters to post today! Thanks for all your comments, they're truly appreciated. Thanks also, as always, to Sam938 for her ever patient Beta-ing!

Chapter 5

This was so what she needed. She sighed and leant back against the mast, her eyes drinking in the beauty of the mountain scene, her body enjoying the slow rolling motion of the boat. It was spectacularly beautiful out here. Not a living soul in sight. The only sound was the lap of water on the hull of the boat and the occasional cry of a bird overhead. She couldn't believe how peaceful she felt.

She browsed through various images from her mental database of planets they had visited, looking for something to equal the scene in front of her. Maybe there had been more incredible views but her innate underlying wariness when off-world never allowed her to bask in them as she did now. Here she was home.

The sun was high enough that the water had lost that brilliant, glittery sparkle and now the lake wore a muted sheen instead. She pulled her sunglasses down from her hair to give her eyes a break and continued her gaze out to the mountains.

Why hadn't she done this before? It was so damn relaxing! When was the last time she'd felt this free?

Thoughts of dodging meteors, test flights and her bike breezed through her mind but the feelings they stirred were different. They were about speed and taking control to the edge of its limits. The buzz from that was incredible and gave the release she needed but it was an adrenaline fuelled freedom. This was… this was like she was actually flying. She felt in tune with her environment - no screen of glass from the cockpit or visor to protect her from the elements. Just the wind in her hair, in her eyes, on her skin.

She wanted to get closer to the water so made her way to the front of the boat, first crouching down, then moving to sit and letting her legs dangle either side of the guard rail. She breathed out a contented sigh at the feeling of tranquillity, leant back on her arms and closed her eyes, tilting her head up so she felt the full impact of the sun.

It was so quiet.

The safety of her surroundings and the rhythm of the lapping water created an almost meditative atmosphere. She was peripherally aware of Jack on the deck, his presence and control like a cocoon around her.

Jack.

She owed him big time for this. How had he managed to so drastically change her mood in a few short hours? Did he know her that well that he knew the effect this little day trip would have on her?

She opened her eyes to enjoy the view again and bent her arms to lean back on her elbows.

The progress on the boat for the first hour or so had been slow. He had been apologetic at the lack of breeze but she hadn't minded. It had given her the chance to learn the boat, to literally learn the ropes and it had been fun working with him. Different though. Definitely a different dynamic today. She grimaced, remembering the jolt she'd felt the first few times he'd accidently touched her. Really, it was unavoidable in these close quarters but after a while they had both accepted it and she'd become more comfortable. The potential awkwardness she'd expected for the day had dissipated quickly. It felt very natural.

He'd even laughed a few times. Proper, relaxed laughs. They looked good on him. She smiled at the thought.

They'd managed to work together to pull off a few good turns and were now on a slow port tack across the lake heading east.

She watched the change in motion of the water as they glided through it. Is this why he loved Minnesota so much? Did he get the same feeling of freedom up there and think he could do the same for her here? Is that why he'd asked her to go with him so many times? Most of her refusal was from the risk of how it would be perceived, but part was that she just didn't want to go fishing. The thought of sitting all day made her shudder. But, if this was how it made you feel then maybe she'd underestimated him.

She snorted to herself. Maybe she was giving him too much credit and this was all just a happy accident. Who knew what went on in his head sometimes? Jeez, in some respects they knew each other better than they knew themselves, and in others they were complete strangers.

She thought on that for a bit. Was that really true? Of all her friends and family, she liked to think he was the one who knew her best. And, perhaps most importantly, she liked who she was when she was with him. He accepted her for exactly who she was, geek stuff an' all, and knew how important it was to her. Wasn't that why she'd broken it off with Pete?

Because, despite how much she thought she wanted that 'normal' life, it turned out it wasn't enough for her. Or Pete, for that matter, despite his protestations. With Jack she could be exactly who she was. She didn't have to pretend.

Jeez, Sam. She reined herself in. All this fresh air and peace was obviously going to her head.

She picked at the wire on the guardrail.

But that's why they'd made such a good team, right? That had changed when he'd left SG1, and even more so when, well, when Pete had appeared. But she figured that was mostly her fault. She had to try and distance herself from him. God, sometimes just the smell of him was enough to question what she was doing.

And that's why she'd ended up at his place on _that_ day. To find out if he still felt anything for her. Not that she deserved it, having agreed to marry someone else. Had he moved on or was it just because she was pushing him away.

Boy, did that question get a definitive answer. She'd tried to wipe it from her memory but her traitor brain easily supplied her with the image of Kerry walking out onto his deck and stand beside him. Closer than Sam was allowed to.

And then...yeah, well. A lot had happened since then.

But now Pete was no longer around they'd regained some of their previous ease around each other. Even in a few short weeks things were feeling...right. Was he any different though or was it just because she had stopped pushing him away?

She pursed her lips and couldn't help but turn her head to glance over her shoulder, to see if she could catch a glimpse of him. He was watching her, or as close as she could tell with his shades on. Embarrassed at being caught, she shouted out to cover herself.

"Let me know if you need me, Sir."

When he didn't reply, she twisted further and saw him throw out an informal salute.

She turned back to her thoughts.

He hadn't told her he was no longer with Kerry. Wouldn't he have mentioned that if he was still interested in something between them? Maybe not, she supposed. It had taken her a few attempts to tell him about Pete. But he was moving to DC! DC, for crying out loud. What hope did they have trying to make something work between them in different time zones if they hadn't managed it side by side for eight years?

She sighed. It didn't matter anyway. He may no longer be with Kerry but he was about to become Head of Homeworld Security. She'd be in his chain of command wherever she was.

She pulled her legs up from the side of the boat and wrapped her arms around them, tucking her chin behind her knees.

Wherever she was. That was a whole 'nother minefield. Her train of thought shifted. Did she even want to be part of SG1 without the other three? The martyr in her said she couldn't leave as well – to lose all that knowledge in experience at once could be a major blow. But what about her? What did she want?

Was it time to leave that behind? Leave SG1? Maybe. It would be hard to be there without the others. Perhaps it was time for a change? Something new. It would be good to work on some of the R&amp;D projects from start to finish for once.

She frowned, the collection of thoughts suddenly spilling into one and other. The boat really was affecting her as instead of her normal quick-fire thought process through knowledge and experience, this was more like a slow, meandering river, each thought flowing alongside each other.

And suddenly, just like that, her whole outlook on the fate of SG1 flipped. Bird-like, she twitched her head to the side as the realisation hit her: she had been so caught up in this being the end that she hadn't seen the possible beginning. Yes, it had been an incredible period in her life, but she had spent the whole time like a coiled spring, waiting to jump up and deal with the next galactic emergency, or worse. She finally realised why she felt so relaxed - that background hum of awareness that was her constant companion, the precursor to the immediate reactions required in the field, was missing. And it felt good.

Suddenly her life, which had been so tightly planned for so long had endless possibilities. It stretched out across the water in front of her. She lifted her head to look out. She could do anything, go anywhere. She was free to choose a new path.

She stilled again as she considered that, savouring the moment. Huh. She really did owe him for today. A slow smile spread across her face and she ducked her head. If today was goodbye, she was sure as hell going to enjoy it.

Lifting her head she rose to her feet, almost elegantly if that was possible on a moving boat, and made her way round the foredeck to the helm.

She glanced at him a few times en route and noted the way he watched her. She jumped down next to where he stood at the wheel and looked up at him, watching as his warm smile spread to match hers.

"I was tempted to throw in a few handbrake turns, see if I could roll you off."

She let out a natural laugh as she pictured that image - a handbrake turn at this speed would probably result in a gradual but graceful arc of the boat in the water.

"What stopped you?" she said with a grin.

He pulled off his shades and studied her a few moments before shaking his head.

"Nah, couldn't do it." He looked back out front and left it at that .

She placed her hands on the back of her hips, elbows behind her and nodded back.

"Well, thanks." She hoped he took her mock confusion the right way. "I think."

The unnaturally loud sound of the crack of the sail in the wind made them both jump.

"You're neglecting your jobs, Colonel," he said sternly.

"Sorry, Sir." She replied, grin still firmly in place as she jumped to tighten the main sheet. It didn't stop the sail flapping though.

He nodded his head towards it.

"Wind's picking up."

Her heart pumped a few extra beats and she felt that shiver of excitement again. Speed he'd said. She could definitely do that right now.

"Yep. You gonna show me what this baby can do or what?"

He slowly jutted out his chin and tilted his head to the side as he considered her. His eyes were deep and warm and, unable to break his gaze, she felt the buzz in the pit of her stomach from the connection between them. His smile spread lazily across his face as he raised his eyebrows and answered in slow, drawn out words.

"Challenge accepted."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

She was a natural.

Of course she was. Had he even considered that she wouldn't be? Ok, he hadn't banked on her childlike enthusiasm, or on it being so contagious. The few big gusts of wind had her whooping like a kid and flashing him that irresistible grin of hers. That was contagious too, and he couldn't help mirroring it every time she sent it beaming in his direction. He just chose to ignore the thrill he felt with each one.

The change in her over just a few hours was really something, and so what if he felt good that he'd helped with that.

Ok, it was a shame the wind hadn't been stronger. Those few gusts had them streaking across the lake but they both would have liked more. She'd picked up the basics quickly and this afternoon he'd mostly manned the wheel whilst she'd moved around the boat adjusting sails at his instruction. After just a few tac's she had the essential routine worked out and had even started adjusting the sails herself when the wind changed which, being a mountain lake, seemed to be very often.

They'd had a full afternoon and the sun had made reasonable progress in its dip towards the horizon when by mutual but disappointed agreement, they had started their way back to the dock.

Now she sat on the deck facing away from him, back resting against the mast and looking out at the spectacular view.

Yeah. It had been a good day.

"It's such a beautiful evening." she called back to him.

Jack smiled over at her and then out at the mountains. "The sunsets are pretty awesome from here." Glancing at the sky he added, "I bet the stars look good too."

As he gently brought the boat about ready for mooring, he stubbornly realised he didn't want the day to be over. She was such a different person from the one who had opened the door to him this morning and he was pretty sure once they started the journey back to the Springsit wouldn't be long before the weight on her shoulders returned. His mind supplied him with an image of her physically slumped in the passenger seat.

"You know," he started, not really sure where he was going with this, "the boat's a 24 hour rental. We don't have to be off until tomorrow morning."

He left the implications of that unspoken as they approached the jetty.

"Throw those fenders over the side, will ya?"

Sam jumped to action to prevent the boat grinding against wood then looked over at him, hands on hips and a small frown of concentration on her face.

"You mean, stay? On the boat?"

He looked away, pretending to concentrate on manoeuvring the boat.

"Sure, why not?"

His blasé attitude belied his rapidly unfolding thoughts on the appropriateness of a night together. It wasn't that big a deal, was it?

"We brought enough food for a week and it'll be a warm night. I can sleep up here and you can take the cabin."

He saw her eyes light up but then mask it quickly, presumably as her thoughts went down the same path as his.

He gave her time to think, busying himself sorting the boat and jumping onto the jetty with a line to secure them. Once he was satisfied Sonnet wasn't going anywhere, he turned back to Sam, offering his hand to help her down. Not that she needed it.

He let her go once she was on solid ground and she stood looking up at him. He didn't want to push for an answer, but it did feel a little awkward. A little tension in the air, so to speak.

"It was just a suggestion," he said, gesturing with his hand, "nothing to think too deeply about." He pulled his shades off and let them dangle on their cord as he continued, his tone serious for once, "I thought you were enjoying yourself, maybe not ready to go home yet." It was an unusual bout of honesty from him.

"I am." She answered quickly, her blue eyes refelcting her sincerity. "Enjoying myself." she clarified with a smile. "Really. I've had a wonderful day."

She looked back towards the boat and he sensed the 'but' coming. He smiled, a thin, straight-lipped smile and resigned himself to them doing the appropriate thing and heading home. Not that he had imagined anything inappropriate. Ok, that wasn't strictly true, but it was just a small thought, quickly stamped out in the same way he had all day, whenever she'd directed that grin at him.

"'Messing about on boats', Carter." He enforced the quote with air marks of his own and smiled down at her when she looked back at him. "There is nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about on boats."

He enjoyed watching her eyes zone out a bit as she sorted through that brain of hers for the reference, and didn't stop the smugness showing as she came up blank.

"Ratty and Mole?" He said, incredulously. Yes! Confused her again. He tutted and gave her a dismissive wave of his hand. "You obviously got into your physic-y stuff too early and missed out on the childhood classics."

She indulged him with an eye roll and a gentle shake of her head then turned and headed off to the truck.

"You can't deny classic literature, Carter." He shouted after her.

Pulling his eyes away from her retreating steps he sighed, then jumped back on the boat and looked around, eyeing the bits they needed to collect up.

This was it then.

Of course they'd see each other on the occasions he was called into the SGC but realistically, how often did that happen? How many times had they seen Hammond since he'd made the move to DC? Twice? In, what, a year? Why would his situation be any different? This was more than likely the last time he'd see her. The last time he'd see her alone, he mentally corrected.

He stopped his tidying and leant his hands on the sink, surprised by the wave of emotion that overcame him. Things really were changing.

He caught himself and clamped down on that train of thought. No need to ruin a perfectly good day with dwelling. The lilt of the boat gave him warning she was back on board and time to compose himself before she appeared on the stairs.

He glanced over as her feet appeared through the hatch, followed by her overnight bag landing unceremoniously on the floor.

Sam followed it down into the cabin, the grin on her face visible from space as she picked the bag back up and swung it through the open door of the low fore-cabin.

"Those steaks are still in the cooler but I'm not sure how long they'll take on that tiny stove. Sir." She added as an afterthought.

He knew his grin was as big as hers as he drawled, "Oh, I'm sure we'll find a way. I like mine rare anyway."

He just stood and stared at her, unable to stop himself. She'd agreed to his insane idea they spend the night together. Where they turning a corner here? His body felt that sizzle of attraction again. Did she feel it too?

After a few moments he managed to recover himself.

"Right. I'll go..." Go what? "...stock up the beer then."

Unable to fully contain the lightness he felt at the complete turnaround, he bounded up the steps and leapt off the boat towards the truck, practically skipping down the jetty and whistling the tune to 'messing about on the river' as he went.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N I know it's been a while since I last posted, that 'ole mistress real life has been hard work recently. The rest of the story is almost complete so it shouldn't be too long before it's finally posted. Thanks for reading! 

Sam lay back on the seat, her head pitched horizontally to stare up at the night sky. The lazy smile on her face was the outward manifestation of the warm haze of contentment she felt, probably helped by the three empty beer bottles at her side but who was counting?

The absence of the moon and lack of any ambient light allowed an impressive view of the Milky Way arcing across the sky above her, so bright that the water sparkled from the reflected light like a dusting of magic over the still surface. She sighed in appreciation. There was something about seeing the arm of the galaxy from Earth that made it even more spectacular.

The boat rocked gently as the General appeared back on deck and resumed his position in the adjacent seat. She let him sort the blanket then lifted her head so his arm could return to the exact same position prior to his mercy dash for beer and warmth.

"Better?" He queried once they were settled.

"Mmmm." She sighed, tucking herself further into his shoulder. She wasn't sure what line they were walking, or even if they'd crossed it but it felt right.

They'd exhausted conversation a while back and just sat and stared up at the stars. Every so often one of them would recall a time, place or scrape they'd had and they'd smile or laugh together.

He passed her one of the beers and she lifted her head to take a sip. Looking back up at the sky, she tried to recall the last time she'd had such a perfect day_._

It had been a while.

Cooking dinner together had been an experience. The close quarters in the cabin made avoiding each other almost impossible but as they'd worked together preparing the meal, passing items back and forth, the initial apologetic grimaces brought on by the casual touches here and there soon grew into apologetic glances and smiles. The artificial intimacy it had created became too much at one point and she'd had to escape to the deck before giving in to it.

If it had been anyone else, the signs of interest would be glaringly obvious. But it wasn't anyone else. And this was...complicated.

She had spent so many years denying the spark that she wasn't sure she believed it any more. He'd given her no verbal indication that this was anything other than a farewell jaunt before he moved to DC.

'Neither have you,' whispered the little voice in her head.

She sighed.

She felt him turn his head towards her and his unspoken question.

What could she tell him? Should she attempt a second try at the failed conversation from the Kerry encounter? Or say that she could happily stay here indefinitely, repeat this day 50 times and not find it lacking? Mackelli and his time loop flitted through her mind. Ok that hadn't turned out so well.

"Do you think anyone would notice if we didn't go back?" she found herself asking.

There was a long pause before he answered.

"Where would we go?"

She was surprised at the serious tone of his reply. She had expected some retort from him, some self-depreciating put-down but it got her thinking. Where **could** they go? Earth felt so small now that they knew what else was out there. Would there be anywhere on Earth that they couldn't be found? Even for a few weeks?

She settled for letting him know she was happy. "Well, I could sure stay here for a while." She said with another sigh, one of contentment this time.

He leaned his head into hers and she could feel him smile against her hair.

"Yeah," he quietly agreed. "You know there's 50,000 trout in this lake, right?"

She laughed at his unexpected train of thought.

He broke the contact and moved back to his initial position, head lolled back to look up at the sky. "They'd catch us eventually though." He took a swig of his beer and gestured with his bottle. "Damn Asgard transporter trackers."

She smiled and shook her head, but then frowned as she considered their two beacons flashing side by side on some unknown AF screen. She discretely shifted away from him. She didn't think anyone would be casually observing personnel locations, but still.

And that was the reality. Even sitting closely to him was an issue. She'd be in his chain of command wherever she was and tomorrow they'd head back to The Springs and normality would be resumed.

Her mind went back over her thoughts from earlier in the day. Was this an appropriate time to talk? Maybe not, but the beers swung her to the positive side.

"You know, today has been ...refreshing." She continued, speaking out into the night. "It's really helped me clear my head. Let me think about what's next."

She felt him tense beside her. Oh. Ok, it was possible to take those words differently than she'd intended. A wave of sadness hit her that he would so quickly put his barriers up in response to a possible discussion on 'them'. She hurried to clarify herself.

"You three are all heading off, starting something new. Maybe I should do the same."

He was still and silent beside her.

"There are some options I hadn't seriously considered before, in the private sector, for example."

Still no movement on her left.

"Or a move to R&amp;D." she continued. "It would be good to give a project my full attention for once."

He responded without moving. "You're thinking about leaving the Air Force?"

She turned her head towards him.

"Maybe. I'm just saying if it's time for a change then there are lots of options." Options that give us the chance to see if there's anything left between us, she added silently.

Now he moved to sit up and look round at her. He supported his chin on the palm of his hand, elbow resting on the back of the lounge.

"I should say it would be a major blow to the Air Force to lose you." his eyes moved to stare out at the water, unfocused for a few seconds before flicking back to hers. "You wouldn't go nuts being out of the loop? No access to all the new tech coming through?"

She dipped her head to the side in acknowledgement.

"There are private companies we use who know roughly why and where the contracts are coming from," she replied. "but, yes. Probably." She conceded with a grimace.

He was still looking at her intensely. "R&amp;D could work, though."

She considered his expression but it was impossible to read right now. Maybe she had it wrong. Maybe it was all one sided. He wasn't exactly ecstatic at the thought of her being free of the complications of the Air Force.

"You wouldn't miss going off world?"

It was her turn to look out over the water as she considered his question. Of course she'd miss it, but everyone needed a break at some point. 8 years she'd been doing this. How many more times she could she get lucky? Then it struck her that he might be talking from experience. "Do you?" She looked back at him. "Miss going off world?" She clarified, searching for a hint of truth in his eyes.

He took another swig from his bottle. "Of course," his cheeks crinkled in a wry grin, "but mostly because you guys keep heading off without me."

Sam smiled back at him, "Yeah, sorry about that."

"S'ok, I'm getting used to it."

She raised her eyebrows and "It's been over a year, Sir!"

"What can I say? I'm slow to adapt."

She snorted and shook her head, smiling at him, then rested her cheek on her palm in an unconscious reflection of his position. Her heart was beating a little faster than usual at the intimacy of the moment and, although it could well be the reflected starlight, she thought she could see the twinkle of enjoyment in his eyes as well.

They held each other's gaze for a little longer than was natural, long enough to make her feel uncomfortable, but then he broke the moment taking a deep breath and twisting to lie back on the lounge again.

"Well," he said, lifting his beer to his mouth to take another swig, "I do turn down at least one request a month for your expertise."

Interest in his words briefly overrode the disappointment. "What?"

He raised his eyebrows and glanced over at her. "I never mentioned it?"

"Er, no" Raised eyebrows met raised eyebrows.

"Ah. Well. Hammond started it. Batting away your transfer requests makes up half the SGC admin."

She settled back into the chair a little she studied him. When he didn't elaborate, she pushed him further.

"So..." she encouraged, with a motioning of her hand. "Anything worth mentioning?"

He made a non-committal noise and raised his beer for another swig.

"Head of R&amp;D, I think? That was one of them."

Huh. Head of R&amp;D. A little higher up the chain than she was expecting. The current head was a full bird Colonel. "Seriously?"

He rolled his head to the side to meet her eye. "Carter, you could have almost any position you wanted. Are you really surprised they want you to head up R&amp;D?"

"Well. Yes." She was. "It's not like I've taken the standard route to get there."

He studied her a moment.

"Well, say the word and it's yours."

She shook her head at him. "Just like that?"

"Seriously, Carter, I'm fending these people off on a daily basis. In fact, please, please take the job."

She turned and gazed out onto the lake. Was that what she wanted? Could it be that easy? She frowned in confusion. "Can we discuss it when we get back?"

He shrugged. "Sure. Though I can call them now if you like? It'll make their day. Weekend." He took another mouthful of beer. "Probably make their year."

She smiled down at him but inside she felt deflated. He was so keen to give her options in the Air Force. Options in the Air Force that wiped out options with him.

"You think I'm mocking you? Just wait and see. They'll have the red carpet on order five minutes after the end of the call."

He'd correctly interpreted her silence as disbelief. Just not for the right reasons.

She turned and relaxed back into her seat, again mimicking his position. "Sounds good, Sir."

They sat and stared back up at the sky. He pressed his head to hers again and she turned enough to reciprocate. It was a mutual acknowledgment, although of what she wasn't exactly sure.

She felt a sadness settle inside her. Despite the fact they hadn't talked about anything specific, it felt like he had made his feelings clear. Should she broach the subject of them more directly? The thought made her cringe and she had no idea how he would respond.

In the end he made the decision for her.

"I think I'm done for the night," he said, stifling a yawn.

"Right." She agreed, sadly. "It's been a long day."

She gave herself a mental shake and rose, turning to face him. 'Back to the status quo' she thought to herself.

"Are you sure you don't want to share up front?" She asked. He'd refused her two earlier offers. She knew would refuse the third as well but it didn't stop her from trying. "I know it's low but there's plenty of room. No different from a tent really."

"Nah, I'm good up here. It's kinda cool." He added with a smile.

"Ok, but don't come moaning to me when the birds think you're breakfast at 6 am." She warned.

"Ha!" he smiled, "I really don't think I'm that tasty."

The contradiction died on her lips and her eyes flicked down as she registered what she had been about to say. She looked up again and gave him a thin smile.

"I'll get you a blanket."

She climbed down into the cabin and quickly returned with two of the three remaining blankets.

He stretched to take them from her. "Thanks."

As she brought her hand back to her side, he reached out with his other hand and caught hers. Her fingers naturally curled round his and his eyes rested on the join between them. He started smoothing his thumb across the back of her hand. "It'll work out, you know."

She looked up at him, a shiver running up her spine and he lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"Just...don't think about it too much. We'll work it out."

She looked for the meaning in his eyes. Work what out? The job? Them?

Why were they so totally incapable of having a transparent conversation? Were they so scared of what might happen?

She gave a sharp nod and looked back down at their joined hands, mesmerised by the feel of his thumb on her skin. She held still for a few moments, then found herself turning her hand over in his. His thumb stalled and then restarted, tracing the same patterns over the sensitive skin of her palm. She turned her hand again and they became caught in a dance, both smoothing their fingers over the others, the feeling of skin on skin both subtle and electrifying at the same time. She closed her eyes to magnify the sensation and found it almost overwhelming. To be touching him like this after holding back for so long was incredibly intense.

Her heart rate must have doubled and she could feel panic starting to build inside her. One of them was going to snap any second and she didn't think it could be her. 8 years of habitual denial kicked in.

"Stop," she forced out the word on an exhale, "I..."

He froze, the moment between them suspended in time, then snatched his hand from hers instantly cutting the current between them and causing her to lean towards him in an unbidden effort to retain it.

Her eyes snapped open and she reached for him but he had already stepped back, out of her space. "Wait, no, I..."

His hands were palm up at his sides in the universal sign of surrender, his eyes glazed and slightly panicked.

Neither of them moved. Sam not wanting to startle him any further, nor remotely sure what to do or say next.

His shoulders were the first to relax, his arms dropping to his sides. "It's ok. I thought..." he raised his hands again and flexed his fingers to punctuate his words, "...wrong."

She moved towards him, every nuance of her body language poised to calm a startled animal. "No, not wrong. Just..." she cast about for the right words, "I wasn't expecting it and...it was...a lot. I..." She looked at him, pleadingly, completely unable to formulate her feelings into words that made sense.

He held her gaze and she watched him regain his composure and nonchalance. "It's ok. Don't worry about it." He waved her off dismissively.

No! Wait. What was happening here? God, he'd just touched her hand. How would she react if he touched other parts of her. She swallowed and closed her eyes, repressing the voice nudging her to find out.

"Go to bed, Carter. I'll see you in the morning." His voice was soft. "We can talk then, if you want."

She looked up at him, resisting the impulse to reach out and feel his skin again. His face was unreadable now and he turned and bent down to start sorting the blanket on the lounge.

The loss of eye contact startled her back into reality. She shivered. She was alert enough to acknowledge that the chances of them talking about it in the morning was close to absolute zero. She could picture the awkwardness and the tension.

She took a step towards him and placed her hand on his arm. He stilled, then turned his head to look at her hand before continuing up to her face.

"I do want. To talk, tomorrow."

He held her gaze then nodded slowly before turning and standing in front of her. She dropped her arm and they stood facing each other against the starlit backdrop.

"Ok."

"Ok." That was as much as she was capable of right now. She turned and climbed down into the cabin, pulling the hatch door closed behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for all your comments and feedback, it's always lovely to read.

Not such a long wait this time!

The yelp from above startled Sam awake. She shot upright, awareness of her surroundings kicking in just in time to avoid a mild concussion from the low cabin roof. She wasn't even sure when she'd fallen asleep, having tossed and turned for what felt like hours as she'd thought through the various connotations of the conversation to come.

"Sir?" she called out.

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she turned in her bed and leaned over to push open the cabin door.

"General?"

The sway of the boat grew deeper as the hatch door was pulled open and her eyes made out long legs appearing down the ladder. She tensed in readiness for...something.

"Jack?"

The body reached the bottom and turned to face her.

"It's raining!" came his incredulous voice.

She couldn't help but laugh in relief.

"Jeez!" She uncoiled her battle ready body and let herself fall back down on the bed. "I thought you were being attacked!"

He stumbled towards her, the rise and fall of the boat making it less effortless than it might otherwise have been.

"I was! By water from the sky!"

She barked out another laugh, feeling more of the tension leave her.

He stalled at the end of the galley and swayed with the rock of the boat. The awkwardness from the night before was suddenly very evident and his eyes flicked to hers as he spoke somewhat haltingly. "You, er, ok if we share?"

Her damned heart rate shot up again at his words. "Of course not," she replied quickly, too quickly if she thought about it, and rolled to the side in reply. There really was plenty of room. "You'd better only drip on your side." she offered, in an attempt to lighten the situation.

He glanced at her as he climbed in and managed a tight grin.

She shook out her blanket to cover both of them and settled herself into the cosy space, the fading adrenaline doing nothing to diminish the rapid beating of her heart. The boat was still rocking quite considerably from his hasty entrance and she tuned in to the sound of the lake lapping against the hull. It made the cabin feel even smaller, cosier.

"You've made the boat all sloshy." she said, probably more out loud than she had intended.

He paused in his effort to get comfortable and looked at her, eyebrows raised. "Sloshy?"

"Yeah." she replied, sheepishly. "It's nice." She turned her head to face him.

He finished settling himself alongside her and lay still, the boat continuing its slow rock.

"Just like old times, huh?" he said, after a few moments.

"What, sloshy?" she couldn't resist.

He turned to her and rolled his eyes. "No, little Miss Literal. Sharing a tent. Boat. Sharing a tent-boat."

She had a sudden pang of nostalgia that this wasn't part of their lives anymore. "Yeah," she agreed, wistfully, "just like old times."

He gave her a soft smile that reached his eyes and made her take a deeper breath than normal.

"Thank you." she said, suddenly.

His eyebrows raised in an unasked question.

She glanced at his hand lying in the space between them.

"For today. It was perfect."

He gave her that smile again. "Anytime." he said, softly.

He drummed his fingers softly on the bed and looked like he was about to say something.

"Night, Carter. Again."

She glanced back up at him but didn't immediately reply. It had been enough of a struggle to get to sleep in the first place, let alone with the root cause of that problem now lying next to her in bed. In the dark. With no one else around for miles. Oh yeah, sleep would not be hitting her any time soon.

"Night, Sir." She replied, then turned and curled up under the blanket.

"Thanks for sharing."

"Anytime." She replied, echoing his earlier reply.

She rolled onto her side away from him and closed her eyes.

Sam was vaguely aware that it was no longer dark from the dim light seeping in through her eyelids. She was in that rare half dream, half awake state that she rarely got to experience anymore. The dream felt warm and safe and the complete lack of danger prickling her senses meant the approach to consciousness was much slower than usual.

It took a further few seconds to work out she was floating. That was weird. She was really warm too, and secure. Warm, weighed down, and floating. How did that work?

Gradual awareness from the nerve feedback in her body helped her realize she was definitely not dreaming anymore. The weight was his hand resting on her hip. The warmth was his body wrapped against hers and they were floating because they were still on the boat.

The boat wasn't moving but she definitely wasn't on solid ground. Boy was that a metaphor for how she was beginning to feel.

She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, light but steady. Still asleep.

She opened her eyes slowly and glanced around the cabin. Through the muted morning light she could make out the crumpled heap of their shared blanket, presumably the reason they'd ended up moving together, for warmth. There was no sound except for his gentle breathing, the occasional ripple of water hitting the side of the boat and her rapidly beating heart drumming in her ears.

She glanced down at his hand and steeled herself against the rush she felt at the vision of his long fingers splayed over the rise of her hip. Those same fingers that last night intertwined with hers and expelled all thoughts from her head except how much she wanted him to continue. That was until her 8 year habit kicked in and she had literally pushed herself away from him.

She squeezed her eyes shut against the impossible situation. The wrench of how much she wanted him against how she couldn't have him. After he'd gatecrashed her space in the middle of the night she'd spent at least an hour talking herself in circles before finally falling asleep. Despite their moment on deck last night, she kept coming back to the same conclusion, impossible to refute. He was about to be the one person who she couldn't professionally avoid. All chains of command led to him and whatever position she took, her rank would dictate she'd only be two or three reports removed from him. Retirement is the only option, again, and neither of them is going to do that.

She felt the sadness settle inside her with the acknowledgement that the last 24 hours had been a day outside of normality and that the gradual cold light of day was exposing the reality of their situation once more. This was just one last day together before they leave to start the next chapter of their lives. They're saying goodbye.

She should move. She should slip out of bed now before he wakes and keep that memory of him pressed against her. But despite the sadness, it feels pretty perfect lying there with him. She can't quite accept it. And she can't move. Not yet.

She lifted her arm and rested her hand on top of his.

His breath had been warm on her neck but as skin touched skin she felt a sudden rush of cold from a deeper inhalation, then his fingers squeezing her hip. He's awake.

She lay perfectly still, not that she wasn't before but now she's almost tense in her stillness. She could make light of it. Something about his magnetic personality, or being cold in the night. Anything to explain away their position and give him a reason to move if he needed one.

She didn't speak though, and he didn't volunteer to move. Cocooned in the dull light of this tiny room and hidden from the rest of the world felt like they were outside of time. Like they're caught in a bubble of what could be.

She knew she should move. Roll out of his touch and slip out of the cabin but it felt so right. His lower body contoured against hers, his knees and thighs tucked into the back of hers and his hand just resting there on her side.

This isn't what friends do, is it. This is deeper than that. As much as she loves Daniel, if she found herself in this position with him they'd both laugh it off and go with the magnetic personality thing.

His skin was warm under her fingers and she wanted to touch him again in the same way they did last night. She lifted her hand to trace her fingers over his and closed her eyes when after a few moments he reciprocated, lifting his fingers to link with hers, his thumb smoothing across the skin of her waist. This is definitely not what friends do.

He must be able to hear her heart, pounding so loudly through her body, the uncertainty jostling for position with anticipation.

And then she felt his lips on her shoulder. He didn't kiss her as such, just rested them there.

She squeezed his fingers and he brushed her skin with his lips before lightly kissing her in the same place.

Her blood was seriously pumping now. It had filled her body with awareness and there were no other options any more. She steeled herself and turned slowly towards him, the crisp rustling of the bed sheets somehow enhancing the recklessness. His warm hand stayed in place, smoothing over the skin of her stomach as she turned and coming to rest on the other side of her body. Her free hand settled on his chest and she could feel his heart pounding just as solidly as hers.

Their hands were the only contact on each other, an inch or so of space between the rest of them head to toe. Her eyes stayed on her hand, not quite able to meet his gaze yet, not wanting to see what he made of her boldness. Gradually she moved her attention up his chest to his mouth. His lips were parted and she could see his tongue resting between his teeth. His fingers started to tease the skin on her side and her breathing became quicker, shallower. Were they really going to do this? Is this what he wanted as well? They stayed in position, a stalemate, neither seeming able to make the first move. Her eyes strayed back to her hand on his chest and she started to move it, tracing her fingers over his grey T-shirt, feeling his muscles under her touch. Seemingly without any conscious guidance, her hand made its way upwards and ran along his collarbone to his shoulder, then back to hover near his neck. Finally, she raised her big blue eyes to his and hoped to god that there was no rejection there.

His eyes were dark and deeply serious. He was totally focussed on her and she felt a rush that she should be the target of that intensity. He moved his hand from her side and rested it against her cheek, his thumb smoothing gently over her skin. It felt so intimate that she closed her eyes to enhance the sensation. When she opened them his eyes were on her mouth and that's when the thin thread tethering her to reality dissipated. It was inevitable really. Her lips sought him out and he guided her to him with the gentle pressure of his hand on her cheek. They were hesitant at first, a tentative discovery of each other with neither seeming willing to pull back. Her hand trailed around the back of his neck and pulled him in closer. Her mouth opened under his and when his tongue found hers she thought her brain might just short circuit.

His hands moved to explore her skin and she arched against him, needing to be as close as possible. She had allowed herself to imagine how this would be and she's far from disappointed. There was no awkwardness. Eight intense years together had left its mark.

Both their breaths were coming short and fast no and he moved his hand back to her hip to pull her closer to him, under him as he moved his thigh between her legs. Her instinct was to give in, to submit herself to him and for some reason that flashed a warning signal through the lust filled haze.

She pulled away enough to stop the kiss and he did the same, blinking a few times as if to clear his head. Her hands couldn't seem to release him and his eyes couldn't hide the desire he was feeling but he moved off her and fell to her right, no longer trapping her under him but still facing her and watching her intently.

The urge to move back into his embrace was almost undeniable and by the way his fingers were gripping the bed sheet she thought he might be having the same issue. That kiss was perfect. She moistened her lips in an attempt to taste what might be left of him. She had a choice. Give in and continue on their inevitable path or stop now before they go too far. Only it's not really a choice, its goodbye. Eight years had already made the decision for her. Her traitorous hands ran over his chest again and she gave him one last look that she knew was filled with longing before wrenching herself away, rolling off the bed and out of the cabin.


	9. Chapter 9

This is the last chapter folks so thanks for sticking with me, I hope it's an ending you're happy with. Thanks, as ever, to Sam_938 for encouraging me to start and then encouraging me to finish!

* * *

The hatch to the main cabin was closed but thin shafts of light edged their way in from the tiny east windows. The sepia tone and the dust sparkling in the light made it seem like she'd stepped back in time.

Feeling exposed in her shorts and vest, she grabbed her sweater from the seat and pulled it over her head. It was only then she realised she was shaking and looked around for something, anything to take her mind off...him.

Coffee. She needed coffee. She flicked on the pot and leant on her hands against the counter to steady herself and watch it cycle.

A few moments later he followed her and she watched him climb out. Their eyes met, his cloaked once more and she turned back to the pot, willing it to finish its slow drip. God, he looked good standing there.

He leaned against the back wall, arms folded across his chest. He was only a few feet away and she could feel his warmth.

"You ok?" he asked, his voice gravelly.

She nodded automatically. They were both still and silent.

She could feel him searching her face, trying to work her out. "I don't know what you're thinking." he said softly.

She closed her eyes, not wanting to voice the words. It had to be goodbye. She'd been over

and over it and there's just no other way.

"Sam." He was quietly spoken this morning, but their confined quarters bounced his voice around and concentrated the sound.

"Just finding it hard to say goodbye is all." she yielded, opening her eyes and glancing around before daring to look up at him. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands.

He processed her words and gave an understanding nod. "Ah." He looked over her again and unfolded his arms.

"So," he paused then tilted his head towards their shared bedroom. "that was goodbye?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, struggling to hold her emotions in check. "Wasn't it?"

Pause

"Well, honestly," he was quiet again, obviously choosing his words, "it was unexpected." He stared intently at her. "And," he paused again, sliding his hands into the pockets of his pants as he searched for the right word, "intense."

Intense, all-encompassing, perfect. Yeah, he wasn't wrong.

"But, not goodbye. For me." He was still looking at her steadily.

"More, 'hello'. For me."

Her eyes widened. The implied joke in his words wasn't remotely evident in his tone. He was as serious as she'd ever seen him. Her heart jumped at the implications but she held her ground.

"How? How can it be?" the words released something inside her and she could hear the quiet desperation in her voice. "Nothing's changed. You're about to be the one person…" She stopped herself, took a breath and regained some control. "Wherever I go," she continued, "and whatever command I take in the program, you'll always be a level or two above me." She lifted her hands in defeat. "I'll always be in your chain of command."

She sniffed and dabbed her nose on her sleeve. Christ, she was losing it. She must look pretty pitiful right now. The coffee pot beeped its completion and she reached to turn it off, grateful for the distraction. She leaned on the counter top again for support.

She heard him push off the wall and braced herself for his touch but it didn't come. The disappointment in that gnawed at her. He stood close beside her, took two mugs from the shelf and placed them on the counter, filling each with steaming coffee from the pot.

"Why is it, do you think," he paused whilst he ripped open the creamer and topped up the cups, "that we have no problem facing death, literally, every day," he passed her one of the cups and took a sip of his, "but when it comes to this," He gestured between them. "us." he clarified, and left the sentence hanging.

She looked at him over the rim of her cup, analysing his words and finding her conclusion. "You think we're not worth the risk?"

He held her gaze and considered her a moment longer before replying.

"Not what I said."

He picked some imaginary spec from his coffee then looked back up at her. "I think the rules are an excuse to avoid us messing this up."

She was confused. He thinks they use the regs as an excuse? She can only pick the negative connotations of his statement. "You don't think we'll work?"

He stared back at her unmoving. "I think you think too much." He nodded his head towards the front cabin. "We've never crossed that line before, and you think I'd do it to say goodbye?"

Did she really believe that it could be goodbye? Is that why she crossed the line? She honestly didn't know.

"I," she shook her head. "I can't seem to let myself believe otherwise." She glanced up at him. "Habit, probably." She put her cup down on the side and turned to face him, holding his gaze once more.

He was still looking at her intently. Continued eye contact. This was new for them.

She swallowed and steeled herself for her next question. She had to know.

"You want this, us?" Now it was her turn to gesture between them.

He pushed his jaw out like she'd seen him do countless times when faced with a difficult decision and she felt an instant rush of excitement when he dipped his head in a slow nod. It was the first time he'd acknowledged it directly.

She let herself feed on that for a few moments, she could feel her breath quickening again. Jeez, who needs to fly when you can feel exhilaration like this?

He placed his cup down as well, meaning there was no longer a physical barrier between them.

"You?" he asked, his voice not quite steady but his face carefully neutral.

Her heart raced at the thought of admitting this thing kept hidden for so long but she held his gaze as she nodded in return.

He released the breath he must have been holding and they both just stood staring at each other, a foot apart. He broke first, reaching for her hand and pulling her into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her and settling his face into the crook of her neck in that way he did. She brought her arms up around his neck and leaned into him, feeling some of the weight of 8 years of secrecy lifting from her shoulders.

They stayed like that for a while, wrapped in each other before inevitably her brain began ticking again and logic began to vie for its place alongside emotion.

"You're willing to break the regs?" she asked, her voice muffled against his shoulder. It was easy to feel capable of the impossible in this little bubble they'd created but it would pop as soon as they left the boat.

He broke the embrace, dropping his arms to her waist so he could lean back and see her. She left her arms round his neck, not yet able to relinquish the intimacy, her eyes darting back and forth to focus on his. Despite the move back to logical thought, she didn't know what she wanted him to say. She had no idea how she would react to either answer and she could think of no magical solution either.

"I think we should talk to Hammond." was not what she was expecting.

Her chest constricted at the thought of the conversation, of someone she so highly respected knowing her deepest secret but there was an undeniable sense of relief. It was the right thing to do. It took the decision, and if she was realistic, the blame out of their hands but it wasn't a guaranteed outcome. She frowned. It was the best they had though, and if it didn't go their way then at least they understood each other. Could there be other options?

She rubbed her thumbs over his collarbone and nodded. "Ok."

He leaned back to catch her eye and raised his eyebrows. "Ok?"

She grinned back at him and nodded, then dipped her head and pulled her lower lip in to try and hide the burst of affection she felt for him. His fingers tightened on her waist and pulled her flush against him again, lowering his lips to the top of her head.

"Ok." he murmured into her hair.

They stayed that way for a minute or so, her brain running through the possibilities of what could happen next. Her body was seriously considering dragging him back into the front cabin to finish what they'd started but in truth, they were in limbo right now, agreeing to move forward but not yet quite free to do so.

"Well. Some morning, huh?" he said, breaking the silence.

She laughed into his shoulder. The relief she felt was unreal.

"You wanna ditch this joint and head home?" he asked, conspiratorially.

She laughed again and moved back in his arms to look at him. "I don't know, I have some fond memories of this joint."

He grinned at her, something she was really looking forward to seeing more of. "Me too." He snuck a glance at her mouth but then released her. He raised his arm to glance at his watch. "But Mac will be here soon, checking I haven't sunk his boat."

She raised her eyebrows at him and he shrugged. "What?" he asked, casually

She gave him an indulgent smile and shook her head. "Nothing." she replied.

This feeling of freedom around him was similar to how she had felt yesterday, the wind on her skin at the front of the boat like there was nothing in her way, nothing dragging her down. She could really get used to this. She tilted her head to the side as she looked at him, him just staring back at her. Ok, this was going to get embarrassing soon!

"I'll get my things then." she said.

"Sure. Ok. Good plan." Neither of them moved. He was still staring at her, his thumb teasing the fabric of her sweater.

She grinned and finally turned away, ducking to grab her bag from the bench and starting to add a few things to it. The casual silence felt good, relaxed.

"Nice shorts, by the way." he couldn't seem to resist adding as she climbed through into the front cabin to get changed. "No need to change on my account."

She shook her head, slipping off the shorts and pulling on her 501's. She momentarily considered tossing the removed item out at him but quickly dismissed it. One step at a time Sam, one step at a time.

As they moved around the main cabin tidying away he would often touch her side or arm as he moved past her. There was no intent in it, she thought, it was just because he could. At least, that was why she found herself doing the same.

Each time he touched her she got the same rush. It was really something she could get used to.

For some time dilation paradox that she couldn't explain, the process didn't take long at all and soon all the bags were on deck ready to take to the truck. She was back in the main cabin when he came down the steps for the last time.

He ran his hand over the wood panelling then caught her eye and pursed his lips. "Ready?" he asked.

"Sure." She glanced round once more, sad to be leaving this tiny space that had just changed her life. She took the few steps towards the stairs but he didn't move. She stopped directly in front of him, way too close for it to be accidental or for him to misjudge her intent. He looked down at her and smoothed his fingers down her cheek. She did the same then reached up to kiss him, a slow, gentle kiss, one that spoke of the unexpected ease between them.

She pulled away first and he leaned into her, following the path of her lips as if magnetic. She glanced up at him and found a look in his eyes she hadn't seen before. One which made her feel completely...whole.

She ran her hand down his cheek and his neck, her eyes following its path down his chest and then stepped back as his arms dropped away from her.

He cleared his throat and looked away, as if caught doing something he shouldn't. Then gestured his head to the stairs in an unspoken question.

She nodded and followed him up as he turned and climbed out of the cabin.

The wind was strong this morning and it whipped around them, blowing the hair into her eyes. She shook it away and threw her duffel bag from the boat down onto the jetty then jumped down after it.

She smiled at Jack as he stood waiting for her.

"A good wind today." She commented.

"Sure is." he replied.

"We should come back another time. You know, now that I'm a master sailor." She grinned at him.

"We really should." he drawled, with a look in his eye and a smile that gave her goosebumps.

She picked up her bag and walked down the jetty alongside him. It was still early and the low sunlight was creating that magic sparkle across the water again. She looked out at the spectacular view across the mountains as they walked. They had a plan. They were good at plans. They almost always worked, and if they didn't then they'd find one that did.

She hadn't felt so free in a long time.

She walked towards the truck with a skip in her step, humming along to the tune that Jack was whistling. Something about messing about on a river.

End


End file.
